At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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