Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
