I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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