I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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