So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
