I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
