Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
