Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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