We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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