yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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