i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
