i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
