wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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