Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Couch. On fire.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
