cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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