i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
