I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
