I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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