No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
