So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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