The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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