First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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