Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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