apparently the secret to your success is patron
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
