whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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