Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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