At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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