her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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