I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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