It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
