You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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