I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
