I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
