Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
