i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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