Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
