First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
40s are totally the cure
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
