You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
