I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize