I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
