alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize