I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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