You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he thought i was a dude.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
