I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
