Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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