Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
