LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you had me at cake vodka
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
foreskin is a definite game changer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
