remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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