meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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