Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
