I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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