thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
