I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
