there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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