My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
