You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i now understand why vodka
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
