I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
