just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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