tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize