Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
